the window of our words

There are so many days where “information runs like excess rain.”¹

Between seminary, student ministry, personal reflections, and a new season of marriage, one idea doesn’t always quickly emerge among the dozens of topics I come across. But what I reflect on below has been forming for a while.

There’s a lot of reasons why this topic rose to the surface. Some recent studies of James reminded me how central and imperative righteous action, conduct, and speech are to followers of Jesus.²

Part of this idea came from Dallas Willard’s book Divine Conspiracy which I’ve been reflecting on for a while. He dropped some BARS as he reflected on Jesus’ profound teachings (Matthew 5-7) with some profound, much-needed critiques for the American church.³

Part of it has been from watching how political candidates and leaders (on both sides), applauded and celebrated by many Christians, utterly fail to meet up to the teachings of Jesus.

I’ve also seen social media fill the internet with hatred and bitterness. But maybe more than anything else, I’ve just heard “truth in love” tossed around SO many times without clarity.

There’s a problem among Christians and the words we choose. It seems our words don’t match who we are. Or, at least, who we are supposed to be.

Words Matter, Right?

Christian author and professor of Law John Inazu comments: “Unfortunately, law school has no shortage of First Amendment heroes. Sometimes they’re conservative agitators trying to ‘own the libs’ by pushing speech norms to the brink of acceptability – mocking gay people, feminists, or whatever other group they think is most privileged in higher education. But conservatives don’t have a monopoly on incivility. I have heard plenty of liberal rants around the law school that fail the test of basic decency – tirades against police officers, conservative religious believers, and Republican voters, among others. In these cases, it’s as though liberal tolerance reaches its limit when it comes to nonliberal views.”⁴

I read things like this and my heart sinks. I see it all around me – socially and digitally.

Mocking and ‘owning’ the other side.

Privileging our own tribe inconsistently with misplaced loyalty instead of seeking the somtimes complex truth.

Saying what’s funny at the expense of others.

Showing a lack of courtesy, kindness, or common human decency for people who disagree with us.

Again and again, my heart sinks as I think: “This can’t be the way of Jesus.”

So how do so many people walk this path with their heads held high? So confident they have God’s unique favor? That everyone else is wrong…you know, the people out there…to the left and right of us.

“Everyone else is extreme or wrong or different, but me and my group? We’ve arrived. And we have a moral obligation to say whatever it takes to make everyone agree with us.”

Few people would dare to say all of that. That would be really prideful, right? And a crazy bold take. But isn’t that what our actions and words show?

A lack of humility. A lack of curiosity. A lack of love.

Overused Phrase Much?

Truth in Love. Interesting phrase. Sounds great. Cool Motto. Hear it all the time.

But in some spaces, it’s almost become code for “saying whatever I want with a kind tone.”

I’ve witnessed and heard these words tossed around so much. Ripped from the rich context of the book, Ephesians 4:15’s “truth in love” is a banner used by all sorts of people with all sorts of goals.

While sharing truth with others is part of what that phrase means, ἀληθευοντες δε ἐν αγαπη could also be translated “being truthful with love”, “to be true in a loving manner” or “to be true through the instrument of love.”⁵ Perhaps, we could even translate it: “teach truth by loving well.” Go look at it in the Koine Greek, there’s some interesting things to reflect on in there…

So speaking truth is not all that there is to it. Being true to something is an outdated idea but at the heart of what Ephesians is talking about: being true to Christ in all ways.⁶ Speaking objectively-true words (whatever that means) with objectively-true worldviews (whatever those are) is such a small view of what Paul is talking about, if completely mistaking the direction of his instruction.

What is Truth…

The more I learn and grow, the more I’m convinced our view of love and truth is too small. The Bible “says not simply that ‘God loves’ but also that ‘God is love (1 john 4:8, 16). Love, for the God of the Bible, is not one activity among others. Love defines who he is most deeply. Ultimate reality is not cold, blank, endless space. Ultimate reality is an eternal foundation of endless, unquenchable love. A love so great and so free that it could not be contained within the uproarious joy of the Father, Son, and Spirit but spilled out to create and embrace finite and fallen humans into it. Divine love is inherently spreading, engulfing, embracing, overflowing. If you are a Christian, God made you so that he could love you. His embrace is the point of your life.”⁷

The truth of our world, the ‘what-is’ of everything and all of existence is caught up in the Trinitarian reality of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, creating, powering, redeeming all of creation.

Truth, one could say, is subjective: subject to God.⁸ It is centered on Father, Son, and Spirit. A God who describes Himself again and again through terms of love, grace, and mercy.

To claim that “truth in love” is a bold proclamation of whatever, whenever, and however (as long as its packaged with kind intentions) is a wildly mistaken application of Paul’s words. It misunderstands truth and it misunderstands love. Both are ultimately and primarily grounded in the Trinitarian reality of the all things, not the objectivity of modernism, the battles of traditionalism and patriotism, or the conservatism of the Bible Belt against the liberal forces of issue x, y, or z.

Here’s another way of understanding Paul’s instructions that bring some holy unfamiliarity to our ears: be clearly in line with the reality of Christ’s love. That sure doesn’t seem like a pass to say whatever I want with a certain tone. Why don’t we have a problem with hurting someone to get a point across?

In the victimhood era, people are quickly triggered, for sure. Sensitivity may sometimes be too highly prioritized and be seen as a burdening threat to the street preachers, apologists, and evangelists. But shrugging off the wounds we can cause in others by our words (or even worse, celebrating in the demise and downfall of others) doesn’t seem to be in line with the way of love outlined in Ephesians.

This kind of callousness towards the possibility of hurt in others produced by OUR WORDS doesn’t seem to match the character of Jesus.

What if Jesus was serious about our words and actions lining up with our belief? What if we took that seriously?

The Kingdom of the Universe has Arrived

Let the unfamiliarity of this subtitle spark your imagination. The cosmic rulership of God has begun to arrive here on earth through Jesus Christ. THAT’s the Gospel. Jesus shared a world-changing sermon in Matthew 5-7 on the Kingdom and it’s rightly ordered way of life. Dallas Willard provides a profound analysis of the Sermon on the Mount, noting that Jesus again and again points to the heart and the whole orientation of the person in God’s Kingdom.⁹

What does Jesus say about peoples’ words in the Sermon on the Mount? Well, cursing others and name calling and unnecessary oaths are to be avoided; but the bigger problem, which should be radically eliminated, is the manipulation of others. The issue is not the specific prohibition of a phrase or vocabulary word but the murder-like anger and evil that inhabit people’s hearts and corrupts their words, hurting others around them.

Interesting, how people have no problem viciously attacking each other online but might question if someone is a Christian if they say something profane. We would never say a ‘bad’ word, but have far less conviction speaking words of anger, spite, vengeance (words of death) over someone else. I see all kinds of hateful things being thrown around towards others online and in our world. But that verbal violence towards others is acceptable within socially acceptable settings. For some, its become acceptable to be vulgar and violent with our words, just as long as it fits within our cultural standard of purity.

What’s worse than uttering a ‘bad word’ is the virus of sin that creeps into ALL of our words from our own deceitful hearts, harming others and further disordering God’s world. More important than the content or the message is the intention and heart behind our words. THAT’s the message of Jesus’ Sermon in Matthew 5-7.

We have our own system of how to talk that is full of violence towards others but somehow a lot of us Christians have convinced ourselves it’s okay. The double standards of our words and actions are endless. Just like the pharisees, our generation has constructed its own list of holier-than-thou regulations. This is false righteousness is something Jesus Followers must leave behind if they truly want to enter and live in the fullness of the Kingdom in its current form (Matthew 5:20).

I sense this false righteousness in the world around me. And I see it in my heart to0. It’s so easy to play the religious game. Why are we so okay playing in this game?

If we’re not careful, it can be so easy to not say mean words, but to still be mean. We can so quickly fall into manipulating others with words, rather than caring and respecting them with our words and actions. We can so easily make excuses for what we say and brush off the consequences as someone else’s fault.

What if our words and speech-conduct are a window into who we really are? And what if that ‘who-we-are’ part is what Jesus is far more concerned about?

A Love That Matters Most

So do our words matter to us? Well, if were honest, only sometimes. Depending on our interests. Depending on what really matters.

The corruption of our hearts and double standards of our words are very evident in how we treat others .It’s evident when we obsess over doctrine and speeches and shrug off our conduct and character. It’s clearly seen when we mock people who are different than us rather than having relationships of listening and hospitality.

So what really matters? Your worldview and the words it takes to manipulate, coerce, guilt-trip, force, gaslight, persuade, or “share truth” with someone to what you want? Or a way of love and speech that is of Jesus? A way of embodying truth completely.

Love that dies for the sake of another. That doesn’t insist on its own way. That is patient and steady, not in a rush to debate or quarrel. It’s steady and firm, because it’s in line with reality. Love that draws near to those in need, goes above and beyond in kindness despite what’s justified or acceptable. A love marked by peace, redemption, justice, and humility.

A love that is other-worldly in grace and mercy.

A love that is uniquely of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

This love is more true and clear and of God’s reality than many moments where “truth in love” has been tossed around in my experience. Just read the Bible lol. Reflect on Ephesians 3:13-21, 1 Corinthians 13 or John 15:1-17, Luke 6:27-36, 1 John 4:8. I’m still learning this kind of love. It’s a love that Ephesians 4:15 goes on to say is in the process of maturing and growing all of us into Jesus Christ. What a sweet deal right?

Strahan Coleman, Prayer Vol. 2 ↩︎
For example, “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless.” NASB, 1:26. ↩︎
Seriously go read The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. Or ask me for my spare copy to borrow! ↩︎
Learning to Disagree: The Surprising Path to Navigating Differences with Empathy and Respect, 12. ↩︎
My exegetical study of this phrase consulted the greek phrase in question using several technical resources. Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 464-466; BDAG, 43. An Intermediate Greek-English Lexicon, Liddell, 34. Greek Grammar Beyond the Basics, Wallace, 372. While there’s good reason to argue that this phrase could be referring to our speech reflecting truth tempered with love for another person, there’s also a strong exegetical case to be made for some of the other translations I mentioned. ↩︎
To quote a friend: “True” has an awesome etymology. You’ll enjoy it. It’s an old english word that essentially means “solid” or “unmoving”. In fact, “true” is related to the word “tree” (solid, rooted).Before it became a philosophical idea, it just meant to be unmoving. So when you are sailing, you might say “true north” (as in, what does not deviate from north). Or you are fastening a roof to a house, and you say “It holds true!” It means it’s attached well and not gonna move.” In other words, true used to mean something far more holistic than what modernism’s idea of truth has become. ↩︎
Dane Ortlund, Deeper, 70. ↩︎
To quote my friend again: “truth is personal. I have a path, you have a path, and it is okay that they are different. This also means that God Himself has a path. And this seems to make more sense of the Bible. God is both the *path* and the one *on the path*. God is true to himself, and he also is truth. The Son is the path and he follows the path. Truth, then, is not some metaphysical system outside of god and the cosmos, Truth is a person. Truth has a name. Truth has pronouns. Truth walks his own path. Truth has a body and friends and a favorite food and feels emotions and died for us. Also in the OT, God’s “hesed” (faithful love) combines these aspects together beautifully. This, I think, is the best understanding of the term “agape” in the NT too, since that’s what the LXX uses to translate the Hebrew “hesed”. God is “true” to himself, but because He loves us, He is “true” to us as well. He makes covenants with us, he enters into collaboration with us. God’s truth and love are bound up together.” ↩︎
Really, go read his book. Divine Conspiracy. Read it! All of chapter 5. Specifically, I’m pulling from his strain of thought in 173-175. ↩︎